just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
