My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
