I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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