i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
