I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
