Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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