their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
