I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
