Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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