The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
