i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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