Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
