I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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