I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
