i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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