There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
