Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
