Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
