I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
