is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
