you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
