Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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