my sisters under your porch take her home
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Let's paint friendship bongs
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
