I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
