Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I accidentally had phone sex last night
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
