"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize