Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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