Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
