In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize