you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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