What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
