I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
