wake up i wanna do it froggy style
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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