i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
