I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
