I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
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