guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
