Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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