She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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