I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Randomize