Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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