The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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