i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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