how can u be prego again
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
