How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Randomize
