she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
