do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
