I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
