my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
