hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
