The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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