My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
