just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
