"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
