there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
