there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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