He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize