Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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