grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
