Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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