I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
