I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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