i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize