Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
