I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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