In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
