Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
