he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
