I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize