I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
