I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
