Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
