Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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