I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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