I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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