I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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